Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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