id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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