when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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