You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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