Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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