Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
