Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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