You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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