So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
i've created a new STD.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
