My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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