hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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