you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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