so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
