So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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