Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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