We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
