Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Someone shattered a urinal.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
