Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
