Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
