your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
