I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
