sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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