I need to stop coming to work sober
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Houston, we have a squirter
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
