It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
