Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Everything about him screamed your future.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
