grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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