I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
