M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
