How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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