I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
