Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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