She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
