Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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