I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
