Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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