I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
