you didnt know i had herpes?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
