To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
