i will never coherently bang her
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
