Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
