he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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