I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
