the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
