aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
