At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
