My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
