hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
