A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
