speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
