What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I could fuck to npr.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Randomize
