I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
