All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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