im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
